Dear Abby: Sensor light illuminates more than one problem - The Detroit News
December 13, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Dear Abby: Security light dispute and childcare cost dilemma
Two letters, two real-life dilemmas. In one, an Ohio homeowner’s 25-year dusk-to-dawn security light is upsetting new neighbors who built close to the property line and removed their mature trees. In the other, a New Hampshire mom asks if it’s fair to reimburse her boyfriend roughly $300 so he can skip work and watch their kids while she attends a concert.
Case 1: The 25-year security light vs. new neighbors
- The situation: After decades of rural privacy, development arrived. A new home went up behind the couple, with a rear deck about 20 feet from the property line. The new neighbors cut down their trees, and the bedroom windows now catch the longstanding security light meant to deter trespassers and raccoons.
- The complaint: The neighbors say the light shines into their bedroom and want it removed.
- Abby’s advice: Explain the light’s purpose (security and wildlife deterrence). Suggest the neighbors install blackout curtains or shutters to block spillover light. If that doesn’t resolve it, ask a neighborhood governing body or HOA to mediate.
Case 2: Should you pay your partner to watch his own kids?
- The situation: A couple with two children works opposite evening shifts so someone is always home. She received surprise tickets to a favorite band on her custodial night and has no local babysitter. He will cover only if she reimburses his lost wages (about $300).
- Abby’s advice: If he has no paid personal time and you’re asking to change an agreed schedule, reimbursing his missed wages is fair. Together, set up a contingency childcare plan for emergencies and special events so future coverage isn’t ad hoc.
Key takeaways
- Neighbor light disputes: communicate intent, try simple fixes like blackout window treatments, and seek mediation if needed.
- Co-parenting logistics: respect existing schedules, compensate fairly when plans change, and plan backup childcare in advance.